Bad dress says what?
Yes, I’ve been absent a long time, feel free to spank me virtually in the comments. Speaking of spanking… I was on the phone with my bestest-and-Rita-nominated-friend today, just chatting, because she needs to buy a dress for the Ritas. And, in the course of this conversation, she said, “Go look up spanking dresses on eBay.”
Now, my general advice is that if anyone sends you to the internet to do a search on spanking anything, you do not do it. My husband does this to me all the time. “Do a search on tub girl.” I did, and I will never be the same. (Note to readers: DO NOT SEARCH ON TUB GIRL. DON’T DO IT. NO. I WARNED YOU. Seriously, dude, no.) So I’m normally wary of anything like this, but she said search it on eBay and I thought, well… how bad could it be? Stupid question, yes, I know, but… well… go to eBay and search if you must. I’m not going to link directly here, or really comment much, except to say that if I’m going to have my my hey-there parts sticking out between netting, I’ll just save myself the 20 bucks and go naked. This makes me boring, but it also saves my $20, and that’s something in this economy.
So, as you can imagine, this spawned a search online for her dress. Let me tell you, I’m not much of a shopper, but this was fun. We’d scour the pages, find horrible dresses, e-mail each other and the other would open the link and scream, “Ohhhhhhhhhh…. no!” and lather, rinse, repeat. Some of our more memorable finds:
For the woman who wants people to stare at her boobs and think "What the what?" instead of the more traditional, "Nice rack."
For the 10% of the population who can pull of these colors, I say, go for it! And maybe bring sunglasses.
Is it a dress? Is it a tunic? Is it a cautionary tale that maybe one should not design women's wear when one clearly hates women? We report, you decide.
(Okay, this last one came from a company called T-bags. When I made repeated jokes about how unfortunate the company name is – oh, to be a fly on the wall at that board meeting – we eventually discovered that Sam didn’t know what teabagging is, a situation I rectified immediately. Hey, the gloves came off when she sent me looking for spanking dresses.)
And finally, also from T-Bags (look them up on Overstock.com, they’ve got a million dresses and, dare I say, nary a good one among the lot) we have this final gem:
Is is just me, or does the woman wearing it look like she'd rather it fall off and they just take a picture of her naked? "I'd rather my grandmother see my oooh bits than wear this dress." Now that's a bad dress.
As for the (very nice, non T-Baggy) dress Sam finally picked out, we’ll just have to wait and see for that. Really, there are a lot of lovely, lovely dresses at Overstock.com. It’s just that there are also, well, these:
Rule of thumb: When it looks bad on the mannequin, it's just BAD.
And to all the people who got here by searching “teabagging,” “spanking dresses,” and “tub girl,” welcome! And I’m sorry for the dissapointment. But hey, dig the bad dresses.
Um. I had to look up ‘teabagging’. Oops.
Gotta be careful around here when you ask questions…
Anyway….
I’ve noticed the neon colors are back. Its been a while. The last time I recall these colors everywhere, it was the Michael Jackson look of the 80s. Do those neon prom gowns come with elbow-length fingerless gloves?
My job involves a lot of standing around do nothing and people watching. We call this “Fashion Trend Research.” One night we were staging in front of the Hilton prior to an awards dinner for a multi-level marketing company. The event was being held across the street at the convention center, so we were graced with the higher ups walking from the hotel to the ceremony. Some of the trends we discovered were thus:
If you are as tall as you are wide, black is not slimming
Apparently the sausage look is in
You can wear that bridesmaid dress again, just cut it short, preferably on an angle. Add ruffles to the hem
Plaid, no matter what your size, is not evening attire unless you are wearing a kilt.
Some people just cannot pull off a kilt
That balloon dress you’ve had in the closet since Madonna and Cindy Lauper were hot is not
Padded shoulders— it’s time to stop the insanity
The person we voted “Best Dressed” was wearing a long, slinky gown covered in quarter sized turquoise sequins. It was sunny out. She looked like a walking fishing lure. Babe Winkleman would have been a fan. And he probably could have used her to catch a Sturgeon.
Several of the dresses you display here look like the manufacturers decided to charge by the yard. The others look like remnants of a bad acid trip. I think I’ve seen one on a “Beasty Boys” cover.
Tell Sam “happy hunting.” I usually wear a Sari— one size fits all. And there are around 90 different ways to wear them. Plus in a pinch they can double as curtains.
LOL I knew you’d blog about this. It was just too much fun sitting there and saying, “My eyes!!”
Sam, yes that Sam
T-Bags? There’s a designer or shop called T-Bags? Do these people not run their names by anyone? BTW, DO NOT GOOGLE T-BAG.
I love urban dictionary. I love that you only post here once in awhile. I think I have said that before. Ewww.
My best fashion advice is: Never wear a skirt wider than it is long. That’s all I’m saying.
There’s a shop called Teabaggers in the town just south of where I live. Ohio is fun.
I have to go lie down for a while . With cucumbers on my eyes.
Check these out.
http://omg.yahoo.com/photos/2009-met-costume-gala/2875?nc#id=1
Oh, why oh why did I look up tub girl??? Boy, that is one image that will be burned into my brain for a painfully long time. You just HAD to tell me not to look, didn’t you? Although tub girl is just gross and kind of pathetic. Those T-bag dresses are UGLY.
I won’t be at RWA, but I’ll be cheering Sam all the same. Ever since sharing Elvis wine with her I feel bonded.
I may never be okay again ….
Hey, I told y’all not to look. I wash my hands. I’m just horrified that I cannot also wash my brain. Ugh!
May I suggest the liberal use of wine to disinfect the brain? That’s what I do, and it works so well I’ve forgotten all kinds of nasty stuff, some of which I’ve done.
That was awsome I needed a good laugh after the day I have had!
OK, You gave me fair warning. I didn’t listen. I didn’t even finish your blog before I search it. I’ve encouraged some gross stuff in my day, BUT! Pardon the pun. I’m going to wash my eyes now.
BTW. Where are U?
Happy Birthday, Lani!!! Woot!
See, when that whole political movement started and they called themselves Teabaggers, I realized that they did not have a young enough campaign manager running things **and** no one had bothered to google that name. Because really?
When my grandmother told me she was a teabagger, I almost choked on my diet coke. *snerk*
Um, Lani? TIme for a post. Just Sayin’.