No Rest for the Cranky
The good news? I finished Freya’s book. The bad news? This is what I had to deal with once I was done writing an entire book in the space of a month:
Sweetness cut a hole in her sheets. For no good reason. Just felt like it. Can I afford $20 for new sheets? NO.
The automatic garage door decided to give up the automatic part, and it doesn’t open manually unless you get really angry, turn green, and split your clothing into shorts and a t-shirt first. Can I afford a new garage door opener? I don’t know. I haven’t priced them. But my guess? NO.
Light took the gift boxes I saved from last year and wrote all over them. Can I afford $5 for new boxes? Well. Yes. But that’s not the point.
The cat keeps getting into the tree and destroying it. Last night, it looked nice and Christmassy. This morning, it looks like a trio of blind sociopaths tried to dismember it in its sleep with a hacksaw. Do I have time to constantly re-do the Christmas tree? NO.
Fish got a snowblower for free (yay!) that we need to fix (that’s okay) only we don’t know exactly what’s wrong with it. Last night, he went out to get gasoline for it, but we needed to pump out the stale gas first. When I told him he needed to dispose of it properly at the service station three miles away, he said, “Oh, no. I’ll just use it to start the fire.” And what fire is that, Fish? The one that destroys our woodstove, or the one that BURNS DOWN THE HOUSE??? So I yelled at him all last night, not because he did it, but because if I wasn’t here, he would have done it, and that knowledge lit the blazing metaphysical fires of an ancient fury felt by every wife throughout the ages who has ever looked at her husband and had to say – despite the fact that common sense has already said it – “No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!”
Also, the snowblower manufacturer has a generic online thing that only addresses the most basic of issues. No manual to print out. Am I some kind of psychic mechanic, able to determine what’s wrong with something without even the most basic of owner’s manuals using just the power of my mind? NO.
Anything else is this house breaks or is destroyed, I’m running away. I’m serious. I’ve already got a stick with a bandanna slung over my shoulder. Who’s with me? I’m thinking… Jamaica.
ME, me, me! If not Jamaica, maybe Bimini. I’ve been perusing their website. My husband tried to tell me, just yesterday, to understand why the caterer quoted us almost double the agreed to price for our son’s bar mitzvah (that’s taking place in THREE WEEKS). She just had twins. So I should cut her some slack. TWICE the outrageous price!!! Can I even afford the original price? NO. The double price on the invoice? Hell NO!
Sorry about hijacking your comments. I think it was the metaphysical fires of the ancient fury typing.
Heidi, go to it, babe. That ancient fury has been building up for millennia. Seriously. Take the floor.
First congrats on finishing the book. Can’t wait to read it.
Am I a firm believer everything goes to hell in a handbasket the moment you are slightly content, maybe even happy, and finally there’s nothing major to worry about?
Of course. It’s usually one week of pure hell that you have to take care of for months.
Me, personally, I’d love to go Oahu again. It’s beautiful there. And everything is in walking distance from Wakiki Beach. And I don’t have to think too hard about if they take American money.
Oh, and that fury thing…it started after Eve ate the damn fruit. She got periods and painful childbirth. What did Adam get as punishment for eating the damn fruit? A leaf to cover his privates.
I don’t have a spouse or kids or garage door but I wanna go. I feel like the guy in the car commercial – take me with you.
YEAH for all the Good stuff like finishing the book!
Boo for the bad stuff like..well…all of it.
I finished Nano this year for the time and so i am thinking a reward..like Jamaica..or i hear Aruba is nice this time of year…or any time actually.
Either way…I am in!
Oh, can I come? For me, it’s not necessarily the husband and kidlet (although can you please explain to me how the kid that got the “Positive Attitude Award” at school yesterday, who supposedly is “always smiling” becomes scowling, pouting, rotten-mouthed kid once at home?) Right now, it’s my students. The ones who, with a week to take a mid-term (short-term class, thank god, with only two weeks left now) that was both open book and open note, managed to f*** it up completely. Not a single A. 1 B. 1 C. 1 D. And all the rest? That’s right. F. Including the *seven* who chose to *not* do the exam. Since when did exams become optional? What the hell are these guys thinking. They’re in *college* for crying out loud. Let’s take a little responsibility for our actions, people. That score? It’s nearly 1/4 of your grade for the class. Yeah, you’re all DOOMED.
So Jamaica, Bimini, Oahu, Fiji, Bali Hai, whatever. Count me in!!!
You writers. . . Is anyone else freaked that Lani finished a book? with pages and words and everything? You should hear me whine about writing memos. I’m thinking an iron-on patch for the sheets. Do they still make those or did they stop sometime in the 1970′s? No clue about the garage door opener though. Yikes. On the bright side, if you can’t get it open, no squirrels or raccoons.
Bindle, Lani. I stick with a bandanna tied to it is called a bindle.
They have a NAME for it???? Just when you think the world can’t possibly get cooler…
I’ll just be hanging out here. Me and my bindle.
You have my sympathies with the sheets. I have a sheet-cutter too. Or I did. I think he may be over it, finally. He’s moved on to deconstructing random electronics (anything a screwdriver can open). ::sigh:: Jamaica sounds really good.
Hmm, I want to run away too, but somewhere cool and quiet. I’m thinking a cabin in the mountains. Snow, a fire in the fireplace, cup of tea, good book (write faster, lol), and quiet, quiet, quiet!!! Sigh, no such luck.
Oooh, Berni. Good idea. I have snow, fire in a fireplace, and will have tea once the kids are at school, and I have to say… it’s nice.
I think I’m want the quiet now. I’ve been waiting for Christmas break to start. Finals are coming and I just want it to be over. Then I thought about the kids will be home 24/7…
Quiet? That would be lovely.
I am jealous, no snow in Oklahoma yet. We are about to get an ice storm but just not the same. The only time I am home is when my 3 teenage daughters are also home, so no quiet here:( Love them, just waiting for 10 drama-free minutes
Tell Fish to try Quick Start in his snowblower. We have a snowblower that has worked several times for the guy we bought it from (he fixes it for free) and finally after the snowstorm he came and fixed it again. All it needed was Quick Start to prime it. Hope it works.
Happy for you that you finished the book. Now you need some time for Lani. It’s allowed.
the CherryBombs have been busy running from blog to blog tonight singing Christmas carols so I didn’t want you to be left out. We hit Jenny and Bob too.
Anyway here goes. I may be a little off key after all the virtual cookies, hot chocolate and booze but I try.
I wish you a Merry Christmas
I wish you a Merry Christmas
I wish you a Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year.
Merry Christmas my friend, from snowy Canada.
The Cherrybombs have been struggling since Jenny’s blog. Must have been the Kool-aid. Wait, we didn’t go to dogsandgoddesses. ( I liked the joke)
I keep trying to sing Christmas bells but I’m horribly out of tune and can only remember
Merry Merry Christmas
la, la-la-la
Sing Christmas Bells
Regardless of my off-key, forgetful rendition, I wish you only the best holiday season with Fish, Sweetness and Light.
OOOOOoooh! A Cover! Don’t you think that deserves a blog of it’s own?
BTW, I’ve already been over to Jenny’s blog to thank her for her comment on a third site, but I also noticed your well-spoken comment. Thanks. It was spot-on.